I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY