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It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
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