Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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