My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
