he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize