wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
