Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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