I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
