Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
