what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
