Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
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