I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
