i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He better not be in your backpack
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
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