So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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