Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
