I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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