all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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