Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
