Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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