What a fucking waste of an outfit
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
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so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
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