Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
