if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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