And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
