I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
