All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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