She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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