That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
