Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
