I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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