bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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