If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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