the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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