i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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