dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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