we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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