I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
