Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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