so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
