whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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