Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
