Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
