bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
