ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
