Pappa wants mamma naked
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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