you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
