the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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