Already got asked if we're dating
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
