Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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