Umm I'm too high to move.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
