They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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