In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
