she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
