Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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