I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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