Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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