the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
