you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
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How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
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My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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