He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
