just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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