note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
