No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
