She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
