Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
