am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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