Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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