I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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