i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
