Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
