I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter