yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
