a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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