You really coming over, don't trick.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
