our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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