If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
