one two three fourrrrnication!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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