I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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