What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
